Possible Side Effects

One of my most favorite books is “Possible Side Effects” by Augusten Burroughs. It is a book that randomly accounts the life of a man. The story is written in first person, and I don’t think the character’s name is ever stated. This writing style results in the reader never actually knowing if the book recounts the life of the author or someone else or if it is made up. Either way, this book is HILARIOUS. It makes me laugh out loud (just as much as Stephanie Plum!). If you have not read it, I recommend it.

Another reason I love this book, is because it is exactly the kind of book I want to write. I would record all of the things I remember in my life and add in the psychological aspects, the growth aspects, the spiritual aspects. Is there a market for this? Is it self-help or fiction? Will it be the autobiography I’ve always dreamed of writing? Would it have to be in chronological order? Would anyone learn anything from the circumstances I have dealt with in my life? Which ones do I include and which ones do I keep out? Are some things too private? With my book, I think the Possible Side Effects would be pissing off people who are included in the book. Would I be able to mask the truth (to protect my relationships) and still be able to convey my message (to help the reader grow)? Do I focus on childhood, teenage or adult years? Can I get three or four or five books out of my life? (I have three blogs, why not five books?)

I have memories that start when I was less than two years old. I know the memories are from this time, because my sisters left me when I was less than two years old. I also know that the memories are mine and not implanted by someone else or a photograph, because I have never told anyone these memories.

The very first memory I have is of my two sisters and I, late at night. We should have been sleeping, but instead we were all on the top bunk. We were giggling. And then we heard a door slam and Mandy said, “Uh oh, Brian is home.” And we were all instantly scared. We cowered in the top bunk together until all was quiet and then I climbed down the ladder and went to my bed. For most of my life, I thought we were scared because Brian was mean, because he had come home drunk and we thought we would be beaten. I think I assessed the situation this way based on what I learned of him growing up. Now that I have a toddler, I realize that we were probably scared because we knew we were doing something we were not supposed to be doing – we should have been sleeping!

My next memory actually includes my biological father. The details are hazy, but I was in his apartment. I can see the layout. I met his girlfriend, Lynn. She was tall and skinny and had long dark hair. I liked her. The same memory includes Rick dropping me off at my mom’s house on Louisiana Ave in Crystal. He was holding me. He had on a hat - brown leather. He had a mustache. I was happy.

Okay, not funny like Augusten Burroughs, but entertaining none the less. “Possible Side Effects” probably sold millions of copies. My book might not sell millions. But if one person learns from it, it would be worth all of the effort.

****Please note this blog is moving to http://lesliewantstowrite.blogspot.com/
Check out my additional blogs - http://ourtwowheeledadventure.blogspot.com/ and
http://kindergarteneskapades.blogspot.com/

Shhhh…Don’t tell!

I ADORE my husband (WAY more than I should).
I do not have a college degree.
I am a Christian.
Some facts are better left as secrets.
I LOVE to play pool.
Seth David Fisher broke my heart in the 7th grade.
When my parents were out of town one weekend, I allowed some friends to borrow their motor home.
I was abandoned by my father at like 6 months old, and then rejected by him in my 20s.
I am a divorcee.
The constellations Orion and the Big Dipper remind me of significant events in my life.
I suffered from a miscarriage in January 2007.
I am hoping Brytin’s year in kindergarten will help me decide if I want to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think that I have a “chemical imbalance.”
I used to earn almost $25/hour.
My uncle lied to me one too many times.
I drink a LOT of coffee and barely any water.
I once ratted out a friend to save my own ass.
I do not WANT to quit smoking.
I slept with a married man (before I was married).
I am not at all confident.
I am a stay-at-home stepmother.
I feel as though I let a lot of people down in my short life.
My grandmother lives a few hours away from me, but I haven’t seen her in three years.
I miss Kristen Sue Stich.
I’ve been married in Vegas - twice.
I have more debts than four families should have.
I have never lived up to my potential.
I have a rage deep inside that no one has ever seen.
I am scared to death of inheriting rheumatoid arthritis.
I ride a motorcycle.
I hate only one person on this earth.
I used to snort a lot of crystal meth.
I swear too much.
I live in a manufactured home.
I had an abortion the summer before my sophomore year.
I long to be the wisest person you know.
I am really good friends with my husband’s ex-wife.
No one close to me has died (knock on wood).
I love to cook and knit and garden and read.
I wish I could do eighth grade all over again.

http://www.postsecret.com/

Stepmother

I was created to be a stepmom.

Quickly after Chris and I were married, I realized this fact. I forgot it for while. Recent times have been tough – my fuse exceptionally short, Brytin willingly admitting he “doesn’t WANT to listen,” and the pressure I put on myself to be an awesome stay-at-home stepmom. But alas, my purpose in this world is quite apparent. I was reading a friend’s blog, and she was talking about what a pain it is to be awaken by her 9-mo-old so early before her body is ready to get out of bed; and she jolted me back to reality when she then pointed out what a blessing it is to have a child to wake up to. She wrote, “Seeing you is worth getting out of bed for…every single morning.” Ps 127:3 “Children are a gift of the Lord.”

Feb 16, 2008
I gained some interesting clarity today…Apparently, God has a very special purpose for me in this world. I am a stepmother. In the grand scheme of things, I am to Brytin what Lynn was to Jess. I am to Brytin what Brian was to me. I feel like God has gifted me the opportunity to right all the wrongs in my dysfunctional family by fulfilling my role as stepmom to Brytin. With grace, prayer, discernment, patience and love, Brytin WILL have a great childhood.

I NEVER thought I’d be a stepmom. I broke up with an ex-boyfriend for that very reason. I even told my sister one time that I can’t believe she is was willing to put herself in that position. After all we had been through at the hands of our steps (and probably put them through), how could she even consider it an option?

And then I met Brytin. I forgot all about my trepidation into step-parenthood. It obviously helps that I am head over heels crazy about his dad ;) But seriously, Brytin is so amazing; I don’t think I could be anyone else’s stepmom. He is so smart and so cute and so respectful and so interested in learning. He makes every day a fun adventure.

In my head, “step” has such a negative, disgusting connotation. I wish there was another title. Well, actually, there is…Brytin thinks “Leslie” is my title. HaHa He refers to me as “his Leslie” just like he would “his daddy or mommy.” It’s pretty cute.

I hope that my actions towards Brytin and his mother will be a “step” towards improving the world’s view of stepmothers.

Patriot's Day 2009

I wish that I had written about my endeavors as a stepmom from the beginning, so you could see the differences in me, so you could feel the emotions I’ve felt, and so that maybe one day someone somewhere would learn from the experiences I’ve faced.

We just found out late last night that Adrienne (Brytin’s mom) received a continuance in her trial until September 11, 2009. This continuance is truly heart-wrenching. At its most basic level, the fact that nothing was decided yesterday keeps everything at the status quo for TWO MORE MONTHS.

This continuance means that Adrienne will continue living restricted to base for another two months. It means Brytin will only see his mom a couple times a week for the next month - and possibly even less once he starts kinder Aug 17th. It means that the relationships between her and Richard, her and Bryanna, and Brytin and Bryanna will continue to be strained. It also means that Adrienne’s hopes and efforts to prove herself a productive member of society were once again ignored by too many people. And all of these aspects regarding the continuance do not even begin to discuss her career, her housing, her DMV issues, nor her education. All of these items do not even begin to describe the long-term effects to her, Brytin or Bryanna.

The one blessing I can see as I write this is that her life will continue as she knows it - which means continued sobriety. Adrienne has been dry one week shy of five months – approximately 140 days. Continuing her life as she has known it these past five months will bring her to almost seven months sober. That’s close to 200 days! What an amazing victory for her!!!

God permits testing of our faith and loyalty (i.e. Eve with the apple, Abraham with his son, and Jesus in the desert after his forty-day fast). Whatever we go through, God intends to refine us – to make us more like His beautiful Son, Jesus Christ. What impurity is He trying to burn away in you? God tests us to bring out our best, whereas Satan tempts us to bring out our worst.

And now, her grandmother is dying. A woman she has often referred to as “the glue that holds everything together.” My heart breaks that she has to face another tragic circumstance in 2009. Chris did have an excellent point, however - MAYBE everything that Adrienne has been through since Feb 23, 2009 has been to prepare her to become the glue in her grandma’s absence. Lord knows, she is now sober, sane, strong and smart enough to help people. To take it one step further - maybe it has to do with her desire to be a psychologist. Maybe God saw that she could be an AMAZING psychologist, but she had to straighten out some stuff first?

Sometimes, I feel guilty that I have benefited from her circumstance...I have been greatly blessed with an amazing stepson whom I adore more than I ever thought possible.

I have also gained a great friend in Adrienne Broussard. A friend whom I cherish as an inspiration on so many levels. At first, of course, my mentality was completely different. But from conversations with my husband, my family, my friends, and with Brytin, I have a much better understanding of kindness, forgiveness, grace, love, peace, joy, and self-control. And I have Adrienne to thank for teaching me those lessons. I have Adrienne to thank for making me a better follower of Christ.

Praise be to God. His mercies abound! His willingness to grow His children is the most beautiful example of loving-kindness I can imagine. Every day we have the opportunity to make choices that will undoubtedly make Him smile. Adrienne Broussard has made HUNDREDS of those decisions over the past five months.

Tuesday July 14, 2009

motherhood
Current mood: blessed
I am so thankful to God for the opportunity to be Brytin's stepmom. It has been such an amazing blessing.He spent the whole past Sunday with his mom - he was away from me for about 10 or 11 hours. At about the 8th hour, I started to really really really miss him...and the moment he got home I gave him the biggest hug and kiss I've probably ever given him!He really is an amazing little boy.

Tuesday February 5, 2008

WHOA
Current mood: worried
So....I had a dream last night that I was pregnant...I've heard that biological clocks turn on in an unexpected instant...For the first time in 29 years, I think that I may get that "gotta have a baby syndrome." WHOA. That's huge.
For the record, I would be a horrible mother. Not only are my genes plagued with depression, alcoholism, pathological lying, addiction, psychosis, and every other horrible thing known to man, but I am ridiculously selfish, lazy, irritable and financially broke.
Realize that I know that God is infinitely wiser than I, so if I am to bear Chris's child(ren), I would be compliant and, more than likely, ECSTATIC. However, I do not want to ever NEED a child more than I need Jesus or my husband or my sanity.
WHOA. Dreams are stupid.